Snips & Snails or Sugar & Spice?

Unlike what feels like 75% of parents-to-be, Babydaddy and I have decided to wait until the birth to find out the sex of our baby. When people first learn of our pregnancy, the first question isn't "When are you due?" or "Where do babies come from?", but rather "Are you going to find out?"


I've been inclined to use the pronoun "he"...which promptly elicits "it's a boy?" Even from strangers. Why do people want to know so badly? We want to be surprised; when people find out the gender, pick a name and then publicly announce all these things in advance of the birth, the arrival of the baby seems...less exciting. What's left to learn? The weight? The length? Unless your baby weighs 11 pounds or is three feet long, it means nothing to most people.


There's something to be said for parents who find out and keep the sex a secret until the birth...that takes willpower! That can definitely be applied to the social experiment undertaken by these Toronto parents, who have chosen to conceal their third child's gender from the world until he/she decides how to construct his/her gender.  http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/news-and-views/judith-timson/the-genderless-baby-well-intentioned-but-wrong/article2036155/


As a feminist and humanist who was raised in a home where "boy's stuff" and "girl's stuff" didn't exist (I learned to use a circular saw when making my own Barbie furniture and my giant-moustache-wearing, outdoorsy, power tool collecting Dad darns his own socks), I find this deeply disturbing. Certainly, gender is often dictated by social structures and choices presented; presenting a child with no options whatsoever and leaving up to him/her is the equivalent of letting a child learn to bathe him/herself. I won't give my child the option of playing with guns or expressing his/her anger by hitting or kicking; does that mean I'm stunting his/her potential as a sniper or a boxer?


The "genderless" parents are putting their youngest child in a very awkward and unfair social situation. What washroom will he/she use in public? What about medical care as he/she reaches puberty? People encountered in everyday life, at the grocery store, at the park, at the museum, will have a hard time connecting to the child, nervous about making gender assumptions or making the child feel weird and sad. The majority of my coworkers have encountered similar situations with seemingly genderless children, who typically take offence when associated with the wrong sex.


We'll find out the gender when the little monkey makes his/her first appearance...and then we'll shout "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!" from the rooftops.